As I think I mention
before, if home is where the heart is what do you do when it gets broken? In my case I was numb for a while. I walked
around not quite sure what to do and if I even wanted to try. I had my family
around me and good friends but I still wouldn't let anyone in to really help
me. I was drifting through life trying to keep up appearances so people
wouldn't feel sorry for me. I know in my heart that I had made the right choice
but it still hurt on a level that I could not express or explain to anyone.
I felt as if I had let people down, that I had failed in
life. How do you forgive yourself for that?
Slowly I went about the job of rebuilding my life. I got a job. My job is basic and meets my needs to pay
bills and live. I really like that it keeps me busy and in the beginning that
was a very good thing for me. I was out in the world once more interacting with
people. I won't bore you with all the petty details that go on in a divorce
because that is not the point behind me writing this. My youngest son was my
hero and he still is. He kept me going and showed me that I still had value every
day. I am truly blessed. Evelise talked me though things and listened to me
whine a lot I must say but she never let me keep it up for long. She really
kept me moving forward even when I didn't really want to. As to Edgar he was
living with a girlfriend at the time but still would make me get out and meet
people.
So with all of these wonderful people behind me I made it through
the first few months to a place where I started to feel like I could be happy
once more. I worked though most of the feeling swamping me, making me doubt my
own worth in this world. Don't get me wrong I still have days like that but
they are far and few between now. I know we all face feelings like this even
when not going through such events in our lives but it seems so much easier
when you know there is someone just for you to help you get through it.
I still miss knowing there is someone just for me, to hold me
close at night, just to feel the comfort of someone who loves you like that. Let’s
just say that the heavens above for Edgar, he gives me hugs every time I see
him. He lets me know that he cares and is there for me. Edgar is my best friend
in this world and I love him very much for that. I will tell you lots more of
him later on but back to the question I ask at the beginning, what do you do
when you heart is broken? The simple answer is just to live but the real answer
in my mind is to rediscover yourself. Find that part of you that is hidden away
and bring it into the light once more. To find your passion in life and never
let it go again. Then slowly you heart mends and you make your home whole once
more. It doesn't happen overnight, hell it may take months to get to the
beginning point of that but it will happen.
I guess the real point of me writing this to help me in
finishing my healing and to hopefully show others you can do this you’re not
alone in the way you feel. I knew others went through divorce but you still
feel alone when it is all said and done. I lost a big part of my life but I
still have one to live. I still have lots to learn and see but I am getting
there. I have to say it was worth the journey to find, I got so much to look
forward to now and a best friend that is always there to help me talk though
things. What more could any one person want in life but that.
~~~~~
2016 ©Evelise Archer All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. No portion of this work may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the author.
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